Holy smokes. Have I ever told you readers, how amazing my fiance Jackson is? Tonight was one of those nights where God pretty much smacked me in the face and made me realize how much I really need that boy.
So...tonight I was struggling. I've been struggling just a tad lately with all of the stresses that come with paying for your entire wedding out of pocket. Not to mention, my body/mood has been feeling like utter crap lately. (one of the fun little perks of being a girl.) I have really tried to push through all of this smog, but lately I haven't been the happiest camper. This week however, has been different. It all started on Sunday when Jackson bore his testimony in our singles ward about having faith. His testimony on the topic is SO strong and is truly inspirational. He sparked a flame in me to do better, and have more faith myself. I had an amazing sabbath day yesterday. However, when I woke up this morning it seems like I forgot all about how wonderful and spiritual my day was yesterday.
Jackson and I have been brainstorming about where to have our Honeymoon. We can't really afford a Honeymoon, but want to do something special together since this only happens one time in our lives. That being said, our options are very limited. Today at work Jackson found a pretty decent deal on a place in Lake Tahoe. I went ahead and looked at it myself, and found that it seemed like a blast. In that moment, I was so filled with joy and happiness thinking that I was going to be able to spend a few days with the man that I love. This thought however, was short lived. About an hour later, I started to get reallllllly freaked out thinking about the financial part of the situation. I thought to myself, "How in the world are we going to be able to do this? This is money we could be spending to start our lives together and be more secure." My mind started wandering, and I got freaked out over the material, money part of the idea. All this freaking out led to more negative thoughts. (i.e. why can't anyone help me pay for this wedding, why do other people have everything handed to them, poor me, waaahhhh life is so hard). This right here, is when Jackson jumped in. And boy, am I glad that he did.
I just got done telling Jackson I don't know if we should even take a Honeymoon due to the expenses, and maybe we should just stay in Salt Lake for a night. Jackson stopped me dead in my tracks. He started giving me the most amazing talk I think I have ever heard, and it went a little something like this.
He started by reminding me what he talked about on Sunday. Faith. He then went on to explain that EVERYTHING in this world, is made up of atoms. Everything in this world, is materialistic. Everything in this world, Satan makes us think we want it or NEED it to be happy. This is simply not the case. We don't need ANY of it to be happy. Sure, having tons of money and lots of toys would make life a lot easier, but that is not where the true happiness is found. WHO CARES if we spend a little money on the Honeymoon. Who CARES if we don't have as much money as so-and-so. Who CARES if we aren't going to become a billionaire doctor someday. It simply does. not. matter. If we are looking at our lives from an Eternal perspective, none of that matters. We as creations of God, need to put ALL of our faith in God. No matter what the situation. If we truly have 100% faith, he will take care of us. Who are we to freak out, and get stressed over little problems (that are the size of a grain of sand in our eternal lives) when God has it under control? He is Alpha and Omega. He sets the course of our lives. The only things that matter in this life, are the relationships we build and the memories we create. That's all we get to take with us to the next life. All of our material possessions, our I-Phones, our cars, our money, our clothes, turns into dust and disappears forever. None of it matters. Jackson went on to say, he could be the happiest man alive with $1 or $1,000,000 to his name because he trusts God and has faith that he will go to a better place than earth after all of this is said and done. This life is just a test, just a split second. After it's all done, we are able to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ if we live our lives accordingly. If we truly have all the faith we can muster. It is not our place to question the way of God. Everything that happens to us is supposed to happen to us, at that very moment, for a reason. And it is our job in this life, to find that reason. To learn from it. Faith, is believing in things which are not seen which are true. And by golly, I felt with all my heart that what Jackson taught me tonight was one thousand percent true. Wow.
Needless to say, I left that conversation with a completely flipped perspective on the situation, AND with renewed faith in God. I feel like a huge bag of sand was lifted off my shoulders today. I really needed to get this message through my head. Lately, I've been praying that somehow I will learn to trust more in God and what he has planned for me personally. Tonight, I learned that lesson. I am going to bed spiritually edified, and really, truly, happy. It is now my goal to keep this feeling. When hard times come, I need to remember it's only a grain of sand in the Eternal scheme of things. :)
It is now 11:28pm, and I have decided Jackson and I ARE going on a Honeymoon. We will wash 100 cars if we have to, but somehow, someway, we will get there. We are doing this because we are going to build a memory to take with us to the next life. And that, right there, is priceless.